So that’s that then. Christmas has finally run its three month course. Now we’ve no holidays to look forward to until Easter, Eurovision and the Cup Final.
We’re down to that dubious bottle of Aldi advocaat, something that looks like wine but isn’t in a box, and the bit of brandy that wasn’t used to immolate the Christmas pudding.
Only the almonds are left of the mixed nut selection, the christmas tree is now safely hidden behind the shed, and Jimmy Carr has exhausted every possibility for a panel show. It sucks. Christmas is over.
OH, NO, IT ISN’T!
The Panto season trundles on, the Blackpool Illuminations of the festive season. A
ll over the country minor soap stars, reality show runners-up, and 70s celebrities are stockpiling their cash during the one time of the year they are employable, like squirrels desperately hording nuts before the first snow comes.
Look, there’s Christopher Biggins, and it’s nearly February!
He’d best get those bloomers off and scamper back to his cave before it gets milder!
You might just be able to get a ticket for tonight’s performance of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, performed in Whitby Pavilion by the Apollo Players. The final show on Saturday has sold out, and with all the usual panto tomfoolery for just £7-£8 a ticket, it’s easy to see why.
Bet you think I can’t do better than that...
OH, YES, I CAN!
For just a fiver you can catch the Baytown Players’ performance of Frankenstein the Panto in Robin Hood’s Bay!
Now, I’ll confess I was unaware that the classic gothic horror had been adapted thus, but most of the Grimms’ Fairy Tales (Snow White, Cinderella, Puss in Boots etc) were pretty... well...grim, in their original telling.
I don’t know much about Frankenstein at all, to be honest, other than that any time someone mentions it, a pub bore will pipe up “Most people think that Frankenstein is the monster, but it’s actually the name of his creator”.
In the panto, thankfully, Frankie Stein (it’s funnier when you’ve opened that advocaat) is the best friend of little orphan Heidi, a virtual slave to the innkeeper, Herr Pumpernickel, and his wife.
Things take a turn for the wurst (reasonably confident that pun will be in there) when, erm, Count Dracula decides he wants to eat her.
Widely reckoned to be director Rosemary Holtz’s greatest production since, well, me, it features established star George Knight as Frankie, emerging talent Charlotte McAdams as Heidi, Stuart Micklewright giving a coffin-rattling performance as Dracula, and ‘Dame’ Frank Garbutt as Miss Nelly, the headmistress.
Every teacher needs a class, and the Players have been lucky enough to draw from real-life students at the well known performing arts schools of Eskdale and Fyling Hall.
They’re not the only young stars though, as primary school children from the local area put in a show-stealing, grave-robbing performance as ghosts and bats, including a dance routine to Bat Out of Hell,choreographed by Sally Fewster, guaranteed to bring the haunted house down. This is one of many great musical numbers, some cunningly re-worded to match the gothic theme. Audience participation is encouraged, so remember:
“I’m a little vampire in the night,Eyes of red and fangs of white, When the sun is shining, you’re alright,But when it’s dark I bite , bite, bite!”
• Frankenstein the Panto by David Swan is at Fylingdales Village from Thursday January 28 to Saturday January 30. Tickets are £5 (£6 Saturday), or £15 for a family table of two adults and two children.
For bookings call Rosemary Holtz on 01947 880756. Yes, she does the bookings too!
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